Modern Jackass? According to Nancy Updike, a contributing editor for the NPR radio program “This American Life,” to be a Modern Jackass is to”talk expertly about something we don’t actually know anything about.” Modern Jackass is the term they created to describe an imaginary magazine devoted to such blathering.

Have you noticed this epidemic? I certainly have. We gather bits of information from magazines, the Internet, infomercials and blogs, and suddenly we believe we are an authority on the subject.  There is so much information to sort through, and how do we ever come to some form of truth or authority on any given subject? and particularly relevant to this site, the subject of beauty.

I find the amount of contradictions in the beauty world staggering. I read and try to compile and process a monumental amount of ever changing, new and improved material. And at the end of the day, I could possibly be the beauty editor for the next edition of “Modern Jackass.” While brainstorming, here are some of my first ideas for columns.

  • Should you use a skin toner? Is it necessary, or just an extra superfluous step? (The word superfluous is itself superfluous!)
  • Is it okay to use your fingers to apply cosmetics?
  • Bad versus good silicones, or no silicones at all?
  • Antioxidants: they are good for you when eaten but are they good to put them on your face?
  • How does a great big peptide molecule get absorbed into my itty-bitty skin cells?
  • Should I use tap water on my skin, or no water, or only purified non-chlorinated water?
  • Does Botox get absorbed into our bodies and even scarier, our brainstem?
  • Why did Courtney Love mess with her perfect lips?
  • Which Foundation? Liquid, cream, power, matte, semi-matte, dewy, loose mineral, liquid mineral, liquid to powder, powder to liquid, tinted moisturizer, mousse, spray on, oil-based, oil-free, what did I miss?
  • Skincare creams: In what order do you apply them?

If you have any real scientific information to answer any of these questions, feel free to comment.  Yes, I will even welcome any Modern Jackass speculation. Don’t get defensive, just be honest, we are all doing the best we can with our experience, research, personal preferences and our hope to appear 21 again. I would settle for 31.

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